"We Don't Rent Pigs"
Jeffersonville- December 6, Seeing how this is the day before Pearl Harbor day, it seemed only fair to write a dad blasted article about FERAL HOGS and PIGS. Let it be known to the all and the many; here at Goliathnwimmens, the Goliath Compound and even at the GLC law Offices in beautiful downtown Jeffersonvilles, 'WE DON'T RENT PIGS" !!!!
Please take a small moment to consider the wisdom of this motto and policy. Think, if you can or will of the sort of lowdown no good sonoffabieotch what would even CONSIDER renting a pig! ONly some sort ofpervversion of a human being would put that idea into the can and flicker it across the mental waves of electrical neuro connections that compose a mind.
Goliath has strode the earth now 3064 year and in all that time, has only encountered one instance of a pig actually being rented. NOw this here is not to say that this perverted and sorry practice does not occur in some of the shabbier and more lowdown communities of , as our dear Presinent like to call, "shithole" places. But, Fortunately in the first 3,000 year of life, Goliath never once actually encounterd an actual PIG RENTAL FACILITY.
This dreadful moral practice only even came to Goliath's attention via the so called westeren television series "Lonesome DOve" where that famed democrat party spokesman, Gus McCrae enscribed up on his ranch's sign , (among other mottos and comments) the warning "we don't rent pigs!"
Goliath use to wonder....did he mean that Gus did not own pigs what he would rent out or did he mean he would never come to a pig farmer an ask to rent their pig? It was a puzzlment to Goliath's mind what he oft times would ponder while sipping Jagermeister and sunning his self on the port side of the boat.
According, however, to authoritative sources this mystery was resolved when one of Goliath's relations confirmed that the motto meant that Gus did not RENT OUT pigs. If Gus was a really good writer, he would have written "We don't rent OUT pigs" and could have reached the high levels of writing and good grammar and clarity of meaning and purpose such as is often found here at Goliathnwimmens.
Meanwhile, ( we getting to the juicy part) Goliath will sadly relate the ONE episode of actual true and real pig renting he has had the sad occassion to witness and know of.
This here tale begins with one snooty, white shoe high nose affidavit face lawyer what used to practice law in the bustling metropolis of Louisville KY. This here smarmy face lawyer like to think he was all tone and high note. He was a big law firm 'partner' what made life misahble for all he encountered, opponents, staffers, fellow lawyers and errand boys....whoever crossed his dad blasted path.
So, it just so happen that mr smarmy face had a birthday coming up. As Goliath get the story there had been a tradition of mild practical jokes at the lawyer's firm to celebrate birthdays and such. These here was light hearted japes and fun stuff like ...oh...hiring a stripper to come in and dance on the desk etc., Well mr. affidavit face's colleagues realized this was a golden like opportunity to express some real contempt but under the cover of a 'holiday' prank. Result: they got together and got a real HOG and put it in Affidavit faces office and closed the door one morning. By the time Dumbass got back later in the day.... one might imagine his SURPRISE to find what was awaiting him when he opened the door to his office. LOL That sure is a funny as hell prank! But, this here story make Goliath wonder...WHERE DID PRANKSTERS get the HOG? Well... obviously as they was all city slickers not one of them actually owned a hog...so as Sherlock Holmes like to say, "Obviously...they RENTED the hog!".
True as hell story. BUt...remember.... did not rent HOG or PIG from Goliath.
Please take a small moment to consider the wisdom of this motto and policy. Think, if you can or will of the sort of lowdown no good sonoffabieotch what would even CONSIDER renting a pig! ONly some sort ofpervversion of a human being would put that idea into the can and flicker it across the mental waves of electrical neuro connections that compose a mind.
Goliath has strode the earth now 3064 year and in all that time, has only encountered one instance of a pig actually being rented. NOw this here is not to say that this perverted and sorry practice does not occur in some of the shabbier and more lowdown communities of , as our dear Presinent like to call, "shithole" places. But, Fortunately in the first 3,000 year of life, Goliath never once actually encounterd an actual PIG RENTAL FACILITY.
This dreadful moral practice only even came to Goliath's attention via the so called westeren television series "Lonesome DOve" where that famed democrat party spokesman, Gus McCrae enscribed up on his ranch's sign , (among other mottos and comments) the warning "we don't rent pigs!"
Goliath use to wonder....did he mean that Gus did not own pigs what he would rent out or did he mean he would never come to a pig farmer an ask to rent their pig? It was a puzzlment to Goliath's mind what he oft times would ponder while sipping Jagermeister and sunning his self on the port side of the boat.
According, however, to authoritative sources this mystery was resolved when one of Goliath's relations confirmed that the motto meant that Gus did not RENT OUT pigs. If Gus was a really good writer, he would have written "We don't rent OUT pigs" and could have reached the high levels of writing and good grammar and clarity of meaning and purpose such as is often found here at Goliathnwimmens.
Meanwhile, ( we getting to the juicy part) Goliath will sadly relate the ONE episode of actual true and real pig renting he has had the sad occassion to witness and know of.
This here tale begins with one snooty, white shoe high nose affidavit face lawyer what used to practice law in the bustling metropolis of Louisville KY. This here smarmy face lawyer like to think he was all tone and high note. He was a big law firm 'partner' what made life misahble for all he encountered, opponents, staffers, fellow lawyers and errand boys....whoever crossed his dad blasted path.
So, it just so happen that mr smarmy face had a birthday coming up. As Goliath get the story there had been a tradition of mild practical jokes at the lawyer's firm to celebrate birthdays and such. These here was light hearted japes and fun stuff like ...oh...hiring a stripper to come in and dance on the desk etc., Well mr. affidavit face's colleagues realized this was a golden like opportunity to express some real contempt but under the cover of a 'holiday' prank. Result: they got together and got a real HOG and put it in Affidavit faces office and closed the door one morning. By the time Dumbass got back later in the day.... one might imagine his SURPRISE to find what was awaiting him when he opened the door to his office. LOL That sure is a funny as hell prank! But, this here story make Goliath wonder...WHERE DID PRANKSTERS get the HOG? Well... obviously as they was all city slickers not one of them actually owned a hog...so as Sherlock Holmes like to say, "Obviously...they RENTED the hog!".
True as hell story. BUt...remember.... did not rent HOG or PIG from Goliath.
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