Dave Maggard's Bull Calf by Glenn Mosley
Every time I earned enough leave to come home from the Navy, one of the people I always went to visit was my lifelong buddy, Dave Maggard. Dave was a lot older than me and I always looked up to him. We were together a lot before I left home, playing music with our brothers, fishing, swiming in the Middlefork and just having a good time.
Dave was always one step ahead of me, being more experienced in life and probably smarter. He used to play pranks on me a lot. I could just never get ahead of him.
I remember this one visit in particular, going to Dave's house on Hurricane Creek with my guitar and him saying, "before we get started, come over to the barn. I've got something I've got to show you."
There in a stall was the most beautiful bull calf I'd ever seen.
"Man oh man, Dave, he's certainly a dandy. I figure you're a sure thing for the jackpot at the county fair this year." Dave says, "well that Navy sure ain't learnt you nothin'. If you'll notice, the bull eyes are crossed and ain't no way they'll let me win anything with a cross-eyed bull." I says to Dave, "you're wrong about that. There's a guy on my ship who is from Texas and was a veterinarian before he joined the Navy and he told me how to fix such things. If you've got a four foot length of PVC pipe I'll show you a little trick he told me about."
Dave dug around in a scrap pile and found the PVC. I took the pipe and inserted it into that little round hole right below the bulls tail and gave a really big blow on the pipe. Sure enough, the bulls eyes straightened up just as pretty as you please. "Only problem is" I told Dave, "it only lasts for about twenty minutes, don't know how you'd manage that."
"Let me try it" says Dave, "and I'm ahead of you, as usual. What I'll do is, I'll secret the pipe down my pant leg and just as the judges are about to arrive at my stall, I'll give him the treatment, that is, if I can do what you did."
Dave takes the pipe, reverses it, inserts the pipe, blows, and sure enough, the eyes straightened right up. "You did it, Old Amigo" says I. "But tell me something. Why did you change ends with the pipe before you inserted it?"
Dave was always one step ahead of me, being more experienced in life and probably smarter. He used to play pranks on me a lot. I could just never get ahead of him.
I remember this one visit in particular, going to Dave's house on Hurricane Creek with my guitar and him saying, "before we get started, come over to the barn. I've got something I've got to show you."
There in a stall was the most beautiful bull calf I'd ever seen.
"Man oh man, Dave, he's certainly a dandy. I figure you're a sure thing for the jackpot at the county fair this year." Dave says, "well that Navy sure ain't learnt you nothin'. If you'll notice, the bull eyes are crossed and ain't no way they'll let me win anything with a cross-eyed bull." I says to Dave, "you're wrong about that. There's a guy on my ship who is from Texas and was a veterinarian before he joined the Navy and he told me how to fix such things. If you've got a four foot length of PVC pipe I'll show you a little trick he told me about."
Dave dug around in a scrap pile and found the PVC. I took the pipe and inserted it into that little round hole right below the bulls tail and gave a really big blow on the pipe. Sure enough, the bulls eyes straightened up just as pretty as you please. "Only problem is" I told Dave, "it only lasts for about twenty minutes, don't know how you'd manage that."
"Let me try it" says Dave, "and I'm ahead of you, as usual. What I'll do is, I'll secret the pipe down my pant leg and just as the judges are about to arrive at my stall, I'll give him the treatment, that is, if I can do what you did."
Dave takes the pipe, reverses it, inserts the pipe, blows, and sure enough, the eyes straightened right up. "You did it, Old Amigo" says I. "But tell me something. Why did you change ends with the pipe before you inserted it?"
"You're just as dumb as you was before you left home ain't you?" says Dave. "I'll bet you actually thought that you was going to trick me into putting my lips where you'd had your's."
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Written, illustrated and edited by Glenn Mosley
Proceeds from post to PETA
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