Potential Presidential Candidate Produces Birth Certficates
GOLIATH OF JEFFERSONVILLE (BY wAY OF pHILISTINE) RELEASES ORIGINAL
BIRTH DOCUMENTS
JEFFERSONVILLE, April 27- Goliath called a press conference this morning and made a surprise announcement that has pundits questioning whether the esteemed warrior may be moving closer to a decision
for Presidential Run in 2012. Standing on the roof of the partially submerged Goliath Compound in Downtown
Jeffersonville Indiana Goliath stated, "These here is real. These here is indeed the true and real ones. If anyone and any, specially Trump or Sarah Palins of the Wimmens of Alaska Party questions these here then Goliath
say them has sorely tasked and worried Goliath. Them is not worthy of the name of opponent of Goliath. That is all."
Immediately, Goliath returned to the inner sanctums of the Compound, refusing to take questions. His sometime aide, Pesty Flannigan (aka Pesty Version 2), fielded impertinent questions from the major networks as he
handed out photocopied supposed 'proofs' of Goliath's birth documents which we reproduce below along with
a translation from the original Philistinian.
The text in translation reads as follows:
CERTIFICATION OF LIVE BIRTH
KINGDOM OF ANARBUS III
Ministry of Health
Official Seal
Form number XV III
Certificate Number K XX CM III
Child's Name: GOLIATH
Date of Birth: Solus X IV
Hour of Birth: Hour of Sunrise
SEX: Male
City or Town or Village of Birth: Gath
Overlord of District: Balaafa the Horrible
Mother's Name: Amanaka third female daughter of Halaax
Clan: The Big Foot and Thumb Clan
Mother's Occupation: Temple servant
Father;s Name: Unknown
Clan: Possibly Sammite
Father's Occupation: Brigand, Pillager, possibly Warrior
Date filed by Scribe of his Royal Majesty: Solus XX
"This copy serves as prima facie evidence of the fact of birth in any
proceedings before his royal MAJESTY ANABARBUS III "Long may he Reign"
and in any proceeding in any of the heathen lands of the enemies and foes of the
Mighty Kingdom of Philistine"
"ANY ALTERATIONS INVALIDATE THIS HERE CERTIFICATION"
**********************************************
PESTY FIELDS DOMICILE QUESTIONS
After presenting the documentation, Fox News Reporter Brent Assblow asked Pesty, "Wait don't these prove Goliath is not a native born American and is therefore ineligible for federal office? Including the Presidency? Pesty offered a surprise answer,
"Goliath's legal team feels confident that even though Goliath clearly was born on foreign soil, it is also clear from these ironclad documents that Goliath was born PRIOR TO 1776. Thus, legal precedent of many of our greatest Presidents and founding Fathers
such as George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, John Adams etc.,
were not born in the United States of America. They were all born
on foreign soil ...that of a colony of the Sovereign Nation of Great Britain. Goliath has Just as much right to run for President as George Washington had."
BIRTH DOCUMENTS
JEFFERSONVILLE, April 27- Goliath called a press conference this morning and made a surprise announcement that has pundits questioning whether the esteemed warrior may be moving closer to a decision
for Presidential Run in 2012. Standing on the roof of the partially submerged Goliath Compound in Downtown
Jeffersonville Indiana Goliath stated, "These here is real. These here is indeed the true and real ones. If anyone and any, specially Trump or Sarah Palins of the Wimmens of Alaska Party questions these here then Goliath
say them has sorely tasked and worried Goliath. Them is not worthy of the name of opponent of Goliath. That is all."
Immediately, Goliath returned to the inner sanctums of the Compound, refusing to take questions. His sometime aide, Pesty Flannigan (aka Pesty Version 2), fielded impertinent questions from the major networks as he
handed out photocopied supposed 'proofs' of Goliath's birth documents which we reproduce below along with
a translation from the original Philistinian.
The text in translation reads as follows:
CERTIFICATION OF LIVE BIRTH
KINGDOM OF ANARBUS III
Ministry of Health
Official Seal
Form number XV III
Certificate Number K XX CM III
Child's Name: GOLIATH
Date of Birth: Solus X IV
Hour of Birth: Hour of Sunrise
SEX: Male
City or Town or Village of Birth: Gath
Overlord of District: Balaafa the Horrible
Mother's Name: Amanaka third female daughter of Halaax
Clan: The Big Foot and Thumb Clan
Mother's Occupation: Temple servant
Father;s Name: Unknown
Clan: Possibly Sammite
Father's Occupation: Brigand, Pillager, possibly Warrior
Date filed by Scribe of his Royal Majesty: Solus XX
"This copy serves as prima facie evidence of the fact of birth in any
proceedings before his royal MAJESTY ANABARBUS III "Long may he Reign"
and in any proceeding in any of the heathen lands of the enemies and foes of the
Mighty Kingdom of Philistine"
"ANY ALTERATIONS INVALIDATE THIS HERE CERTIFICATION"
**********************************************
PESTY FIELDS DOMICILE QUESTIONS
After presenting the documentation, Fox News Reporter Brent Assblow asked Pesty, "Wait don't these prove Goliath is not a native born American and is therefore ineligible for federal office? Including the Presidency? Pesty offered a surprise answer,
"Goliath's legal team feels confident that even though Goliath clearly was born on foreign soil, it is also clear from these ironclad documents that Goliath was born PRIOR TO 1776. Thus, legal precedent of many of our greatest Presidents and founding Fathers
such as George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, John Adams etc.,
were not born in the United States of America. They were all born
on foreign soil ...that of a colony of the Sovereign Nation of Great Britain. Goliath has Just as much right to run for President as George Washington had."
Comments
and
"it is also clear from these ironclad documents that Goliath was born PRIOR TO 1776."
and
"as he (Pesty)
handed out photocopied supposed 'proofs' of Goliath's birth documents which we reproduce below along with
a translation from the original Philistinian."
There was a special meeting this evening of the professors at the journalism school,
which was originally called to analyze the changes at CIA
and Defense.
However, the professors quickly turned to discussing this announcement by Goliath. It totally "Trumped" the news out of the District of Columbia!
An honored bow to a superior intelect and writer.
Impressive, dude!
Brian