RULING IN JAGERMEISTER DISPUTE
JEFFERSONVILLE- A ruling was issued today by the judge in the Goliath-Dr. R dispute. The parties reportedly have accepted the ruling and no appeals are planned. The dispute began when
Dr. R. purchased a rare and valuable signed edition of the Goliath masterpiece "Pesty's visit to a Lawyer" (parts 1 and 2). Thought to be the only one in existence, dealers from New York had sought to obtain rights to sell it. Cinncinati dealer Carl Solway estimated the piece's value in excess of two million dollars in today's depressed art market. However, the details of the deal emerged that Dr. R. had managed to obtain the rare item on the promise of one bottle of Jaegermeister. Remarkably, one month later Goliath claimed on his webblog "Goliathandwimmens" that Dr. R had not made payment. Goliath then instituted a very acrimonious and nasty bit of litigation. The extensive pleadings and counter-petitions are rumored to have drained the financial and emotional resources of both parties.
The Judge ruled the dispute will have a unique resolution. Ownership and possession of the artwork will be resolved by a marathon, 'winner takes all' poker session. The ruling in full is
as follows:
OK,OK,OK, my first ruling in this misarbiration/disambiguation, the heretofore mentioned dispute over "cartoon renderings and suchlike" shall be decided by a cash $ xxxtravaganza $poker marathon between the two parties. The Rules of Engagement: Missouri rules, Jeffersonville Honor. Said moving party, one well known artistic ( and a most excellent shot) sock puppet AKA "Pesty" shall name the place of gaming. The defending party, also a well known "Poet Warrior" in the Classic Sense himself, AKA, "DR. R", shallname the game. Furthermore, said TV, cable, book, movie, merchandising , sports re-broadcast and syndication rights of "The Games" ( hereafter to be called "The Pesty-R Games")to be handled by D-Ras Ltd Enterprises for and protecting in safety/fiduciary ( but alas, not in perpetuity) the combined monetary interests from this event of said adversarials. No whinning or welching, or four-flushing to be tolerated. The party winning the most cash from the other at the end of the titanic struggle shall also and henceforth be de-clared the winner by your honor.Initial table stakes plus winnings showing is cash kept. If DR R wins, bro Pesty does not get the big jug of Jagemeister claimed as due. If Bro Pesty,wins, DR R shall deliver UNOPENED and unconsumed, the said bottle ASAP before leaving the said poker battle grounds. Once again, the said bottle of Jaegermeister UNOPENED shall be delivered as payment in full. In keeping with the non-discrimination policy, said admission to be limited to the first 1,000 locals typicals, super-typicals, and assorted extraterrestrials that enjoy Bourbon Whiskey and its antecedents and the manly/skillful art of a well placed bet. Said attendees shall be limited to THREE maximum wimmens each as their trophy adornments. Paid cost per observant shall be $2,000 cash on the barrel head per each of these "Jeff High Rollers" atending with their wimmens admitted free of charge, of course. The High Sheriff and the High Prosecutor shall be admitted free with their "usual antecedents" allowed, ALL others shall have to cough up the coin of the realm as due. Even though both parties to the game are well known honest and respected SOUTHERN GENTLEMEN of Honor, only valid USA "Yankee Greenbacks" or their equivalent in gold KrugerRands, shall be utilized as valid wagering acceptance. (Sorry, due to the current delayed outcome of the "WAR OF NORTHERN AGGRESSION", no paper currency issued by the Honorable General Robert H. Lee and/or the Confederate States of America (CSA) shall be deemed as acceptable debt payment/resolution. The Holder of all funds, provider of all food and beverages, and the Dealer of Cards shall be the Honorable Harry W., also a fine, respected Southern Gentleman. Additionally, ALL male attendees to this event SHALL BE REQUIRED to carry on their person AT ALL TIMES, at least one fully functional, loaded firearm of their choice. This shall ensure proper decorum. ( The wimmens, trophy or otherwise, in attendance SHALL NOT have access to any firearms at any time for the obvious reasons.) The only subject that shall be Verboten, will be the term "Carbon Footprint"! Oh, the "split" of the gate shall be decided on the "who gets first count" method as always! For further intel, please click on http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bYrsDT02OcE
Comments
Wednesday this week. SIGNED, (legaly binding)
GOLIATH!!!!!