Air conditioned NIGHTMARE, Erma Thrask Reviews 'Home of the Week"
Goodness, another week has gone by! First, I would like to express my thanks and appreciation to my many fans! Mr. Goliath has been kind enough to send along the cards and letters and emails he has received from all of you who share my sentiments regarding the fundamentally flawed idea of flaunting one's home in a photo-feature in the regional newspaper. (a notion made far worse by virtue of the fact that newspaper is nothing more than a trumpet of SATAN! The courier-journal is well-known as an organ of evil commie-socialist propaganda!). One would think that persons who hail from the same GREAT state as our dearly beloved former President, George "W" Bush would have more sense than to involve themselves in any way with the Courier Journal. But, I note, with concern, this couple "the Litzmans" sojourned for a time in that horrifying state, Florida. I will, therefore, take that unhappy fact as my explanation of this banal horror, which I would call 'an air conditionednightmare," depicted in this week's "Home of the Week."
I will begin by noting the photograph of the house itself. The problems begin here where the
two car garage is in the front of and perpindicular to the house proper. This is not elegant home design. Yes, we all know that we live in an age of the automobile as a necessity of life. There is nothing wrong with an attached garage...but a garage is not really the premier feature of
good home design. The garage should be set apart and, if possible, hidden from view from the street. The Litzmans have gone the other route. Their garage abuts the entrance alcove of their home! Frank Lloyd Wright rolls in his grave!
Entering the home (and the featured photograph on the front page and above the fold) the
ghastly confirmation of horror that was suggested by the garage appears! There are the Litzmans, a nice looking couple, but they present themselves before their most precious
possession.... A HD Television MOUNTED ABOVE THE FIREPLACE!!! Reinforcing the message of the 'holiness' of the Tee Vee...are the sunken wall stepped back around the "TEE VEE". I need hardly say more about the whole remainder of the photo feature....here is the
view into the dining room. 
Note well the TEE Vee
over the mantel. I also draw your attention onto the window treatments... apparently thieves
broke into the home the night before the "photo shoot" and stole the curtains, leaving only the
tops, since No one, not even persons with a garage for their front room, would put those short drape up all by itself. It looks like a marine with a soup bowl haircut!
As I gaze at the rest of the photographs, I fear that I am growing too sensitive... in these big
empty rooms I sense loneliness, surfaces with nothing beneath them, odd pairings of bar stools
suggestive of two different and clashing personalities that nevertheless care for each other and
NEVER SPEAK of the desperate hell in which they privately suffer.
Thank goodness I DO see personal items. There are family photographs over the mantel in
the basement...and a reference to the fact that this is where the family entertains, and, I suspect,
really lives...and that's fine. I also see a nod to someones favorite team...they are ATM fans as well as other little nods to the Texas background. Very good! NOW take that SPIRIT and put it in your LIVING ROOM and ENJOY IT!!! Because if they are trying to make a model room out of it..they are failing miserably!
I once knew a poor lady who suffered from a bi-polar personality. She had a perfectly appointed living room-parlour. The furniture was first rate and of the best quality. She had
perfect decorations. A white carpet. But, sadly, EVERY THING WAS COVERED IN PLASTIC
and NEVER USED. This is no way to live Mr. and Mrs. Litzman! Don't try and kid me, I know
that if you tried to watch that TEE VEE above the mantel for more than 20 minutes you would
have crick in your neck that would last for two days!
Finally, I applaud the avoidance of a faux finish, faux greco columns and a 'media room'.
Mr and Mrs. Litzman apparently have no need for larger than life depictions of carnal acts. I
DO see a cross on the wall but IT IS BY THE LIQUOR CABINET!!! This disturbs me. I see
NO BIBLE in any room of the home. Now, Mr. and Mrs. Litzman, if President George "W"
Bush ever came by to visit....would he feel comfortable and at home watching the sinking poll
numbers for Obama on YOUR television set? I think not! He would likely spit up another pretzel and bang his head!!! There IS hope for your home....but it still needs some TLC ...AND
A BIBLE!!!!
Comments
Perhaps the 2 sets of totally different barstools were remnants of their former separate different "pasts". I dont know. Whatever it is... those barstools did look lonely. Maybe they were pining for a long-lost wagon-wheel coffee table.
I was puzzled by the lack of reference to children or family-- although they did say they entertained family and friends in the downstairs area. There were photos of some people, yes...but none in the bedroom which seemed rather odd. ANd who goes or (went?) to Texas A & M? That's a heck of an homage for someone who went there--what? 30 years ago? What about that baseball glove sitting on the ottoman in the Tee Vee room. Are we supposed to believe that this couple just came in from a fierce game of catch? Very odd.
I think the strangest thing of all were the 2 figurines flanking the fireplace. Who are they and where did they come from? Being a bit wary of miniature statuettes of people( especially dressed as clowns) I found myself to be so uncomfortable that I was unable to look at anything else in the room. Better luck next Saturday-----
my review...but I think your comment suits the situation perfectly. Indeed...why WAS that there? After all, its not even summertime. As for the 'figurines' dressed as clowns and the "golf ball collection" ...I felt the less said, the better. - Erma