My Cousin Glenn and John Wesley Hardin
I was joking around on Facebook and learned that my Cousin Glenn was on intimate terms with the late John Wesley Hardin 
As you probably know, JW was the meanest most bloodthirsty gunfighter of the whole wild west so it was a bit of a shock to learn he knew him even better than I did. (do)
I asked JW to tell me the story (from his perch in HELL) and he told what a jackass Glenn had been back when they were both in Deadwood South Dakota....tryng to strike it rich. JW was there for the Gold but apparently Glenn kept muttering and yammering about something called "uranium".
"for a prospector he was plumb out of his element" said JW. "Anyhoo...what happened was this one fella had this here fancy diamond ring he wore on his pinky while playing poker at the Bella Union. One night, he cleaned me out of about five hunnerd dollars".
JW took a long sigh. "ummm ummm...them Bella Union gals shore was perty" he said. "Next thing you know this pumpkin face sonnofabitch stands up from the table as if to walk off an leave me without the chance to win back what I lost to him." JW went on to explain that this did not set right with him and for the next couple days JW got madder and madder and the more he thought about it
the more murderously mad he got.
It seems that Glenn was drinking rye whiskey with him one night and JW confided how he was thinking and Glenn practically begged him not to shoot the other man. It was not to be.
"Well... what Glenn said made sense so I determined to avoid this blackguard and so resolving determined to do my drinking the Gem Saloon and so I went. No sooner than I settled in for a
decent turn, in walks the very man. He called out...taunting me "He Wes, how about another hand?" This was insufferable."
JW confessed he had a half baked plan to kill the man and to recoup his losses by appropriating his diamond ring which he figured was worth ...perhaps...a couple hundred dollars anyway.
"Being called out, I immediately drew my sidearm and proceeded to blast him to hell". Glenn cried out, "Oh No!!"
"I made a brisk exit and called out to Glenn to 'take care of this mess...and get the ring'."
I mounted my steed outside and left town for Spearfish, SD. There, I awaited news of how my precipitous deed had gone over with the Deadwood establishment. Learning that no one particularly minded I had removed what was otherwise considered a general nuisance...it seemed there were no dire consequences awaiting me. I resolved to to return to Deadwood and get my ring.
Upon my return, I found Glenn in Nuttall's Number 10 nursing a glass of whiskey. He was, as usual,
cursing his luck at finding this ...unheard of 'uranium'. Everyone was trying to explain to him this was a "GOLD STRIKE" but he would not be comforted. I took a seat and asked him for my ring.
"What ring?" asked Glenn. You can call me astonished. "Why the ring on that varmit's pinky finger worth at least a couple hundred dollars. What happened to it?"
Glenn looked at me with an expression I can only describe as dumbfounded.
"What...you didn't get the ring?"
"No dad blast it! ...does that mean it's still with the body?"
Glenn looked at JW. "I suppose".
Now it came time to learn what method Glenn had used to dispose of the body. Presumably the ring would be there. Then he explained to me about Mr. Wu's pigs. "For Chrissake! Ok...now, I guess if we locate that pig...we have a chance to find the ring".
When we got down chink alley and confronted Wu (with an interpreter) it turned out Wu had sold the pig in question to some barbarians who were headed to the notorious Crow Town. Lair of the very lowest and scummiest and most vile so called humans in the whole of the West. I guess they still had to eat though.
So we set off for Crow Town. And that's how Glenn come to accompany me to that hell hole.
As you probably know, JW was the meanest most bloodthirsty gunfighter of the whole wild west so it was a bit of a shock to learn he knew him even better than I did. (do)I asked JW to tell me the story (from his perch in HELL) and he told what a jackass Glenn had been back when they were both in Deadwood South Dakota....tryng to strike it rich. JW was there for the Gold but apparently Glenn kept muttering and yammering about something called "uranium".
"for a prospector he was plumb out of his element" said JW. "Anyhoo...what happened was this one fella had this here fancy diamond ring he wore on his pinky while playing poker at the Bella Union. One night, he cleaned me out of about five hunnerd dollars".
JW took a long sigh. "ummm ummm...them Bella Union gals shore was perty" he said. "Next thing you know this pumpkin face sonnofabitch stands up from the table as if to walk off an leave me without the chance to win back what I lost to him." JW went on to explain that this did not set right with him and for the next couple days JW got madder and madder and the more he thought about it
the more murderously mad he got.
It seems that Glenn was drinking rye whiskey with him one night and JW confided how he was thinking and Glenn practically begged him not to shoot the other man. It was not to be.
"Well... what Glenn said made sense so I determined to avoid this blackguard and so resolving determined to do my drinking the Gem Saloon and so I went. No sooner than I settled in for a
decent turn, in walks the very man. He called out...taunting me "He Wes, how about another hand?" This was insufferable."
JW confessed he had a half baked plan to kill the man and to recoup his losses by appropriating his diamond ring which he figured was worth ...perhaps...a couple hundred dollars anyway.
"Being called out, I immediately drew my sidearm and proceeded to blast him to hell". Glenn cried out, "Oh No!!"
"I made a brisk exit and called out to Glenn to 'take care of this mess...and get the ring'."
I mounted my steed outside and left town for Spearfish, SD. There, I awaited news of how my precipitous deed had gone over with the Deadwood establishment. Learning that no one particularly minded I had removed what was otherwise considered a general nuisance...it seemed there were no dire consequences awaiting me. I resolved to to return to Deadwood and get my ring.
Upon my return, I found Glenn in Nuttall's Number 10 nursing a glass of whiskey. He was, as usual,
cursing his luck at finding this ...unheard of 'uranium'. Everyone was trying to explain to him this was a "GOLD STRIKE" but he would not be comforted. I took a seat and asked him for my ring.
"What ring?" asked Glenn. You can call me astonished. "Why the ring on that varmit's pinky finger worth at least a couple hundred dollars. What happened to it?"
Glenn looked at me with an expression I can only describe as dumbfounded.
"What...you didn't get the ring?"
"No dad blast it! ...does that mean it's still with the body?"
Glenn looked at JW. "I suppose".
Now it came time to learn what method Glenn had used to dispose of the body. Presumably the ring would be there. Then he explained to me about Mr. Wu's pigs. "For Chrissake! Ok...now, I guess if we locate that pig...we have a chance to find the ring".
When we got down chink alley and confronted Wu (with an interpreter) it turned out Wu had sold the pig in question to some barbarians who were headed to the notorious Crow Town. Lair of the very lowest and scummiest and most vile so called humans in the whole of the West. I guess they still had to eat though.
So we set off for Crow Town. And that's how Glenn come to accompany me to that hell hole.
Comments