A Story Abouts a Sidewalk by Goliath
(Me re post this here to see how well me done live up to Writer Vonnegut's rules printed below.-G}
Me was late, very very late sleeiping in the mornign. The wimmens had all gone off to do whatever it is them do when Goliath not around and them need the Car. (we now has a 1983 Chevrlet Malibu very very good heater in that there). When Me wake up me see a Chicken sit on the end of Bed ...her look at me eyeball to eyeball. Me lay me head back down and next thing....
"BANG BANG BANG"
Someobdy knocking on my Door.
Me get up put on the Goliath "Memorial of 1942 Xmas gift" bathrobe what got holes in all the good right places. Stumble to door. That chicken jump well off bedboard. "COmings!" me yell.
Me open door and look out...see nothings!! Then me look down...there stand this here munchkin like red shiny face kid what got a knit cap on top say "COLTS".
"Shovel the snow off your sidewalk Mister?" say this here urchin.
"No...leave me alone!" and me start to close door.
"All your neighbors let me shovel THEIR snow!"
Me pause at this here and look about the street and ..sure enough...all neighborsses sidewalks
all clean and spiffy so me start to get small feeling of like Me aint good as neigbhors or something.
"How much ?" me say.
This little urchin turn and him give a careful considerations of the lengths and widths of the
sidewalks and then him looks at me like him sizers me up for how mucyh I will pays and then
hem looks back at the walk. Finallerly him say, " That'd be 10 dollars!"
"Ten Dollars!!" me sputter. "That there ain't but abouts 30 cubits long and 3 feets wides!" me
Bellows.
"Ten DOLLARS" the brat yells right back at me.
Now, at this here point me would probly just slam door shut on this here sprout...but me look
up and see Old Lady Hendershot what lives across the street and her watching WHOLE thing.
THis here biddy always calling cops on the Goliath compound and complains about chickens and
late night basketball games on the peach baskets over the barn door and what nots and me think
her LOVE call cops and say me mistreat this little whippersnapper what make so much noises!
"Alirght Alrights" me say.
That there small fry turn right around and start poking and scuffling around on the sidewalk snow and throws it here there and yon.
"Stop you dad blasted youse!" me say, "That there no dad blasted way to shovel off snows!!!"
The kid looks at Ol Goliath with this here smart alec expression and say "That's how I always
do it!" Then the cheeky lad say..."Say...where's my ten dollars?"
So, me gets ten bucks and gives to kid and now me feeling kinda big since me springing good
money for this here yard care. Kinder feel imperial like. SInce I paid this here he MUST listens
to me. ...But NO...him go right back to scraping and shuffling the snow.
"Here how me wants this here sidewalk snow shoveled" me say. Then Goliath take the shovel
and make nice clean strokes what remove the snow clean as a whistel and then dump on side
in nice neat pile.
"You caint' do the whole walk thatta way" says the sprout.
Now the chicken him hop out the door an starts roaming around the yard. Me slam that door
shut and run about the yard in bathrobe chasing that there. Finally me get hold of same and
turn to put back in the house. There that little exrecense shoving around the snow again in
most slovenerly way..even worser than before. Me open door and throw chicken inside which
it make many and many a loud squawk and gobble.
"No no no!" me say. Me grab shovel and again show this here very dull witted chile how to
clean that there walk. It not take too long even though me has to show this here sprout
two or three more time until all walk clean off. Me feel very very sorry for this one chile's
parents what spawned such a dad blasted dull half nitwit chile what cain't unnerstand something
so very simples as shovel snow.
"See there sprout? That how to shovel sidewalk!"
The kid then grab shovel and off him trot to next house. Him yell as he go, "I'll be back next time it snows! See ya!"
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